Carlos Rosario

 “I grew up in a broken home without a father. At nine years old, I was overcome with intense fear. I felt like someone, or something, was coming after me. I would constantly have nightmares and would see figures in the dark. Overtime it got worse. The figures became more vivid, and I would hear whispers. Long story short, schizophrenia runs in my family, and I found out I probably had it.  

On top of this, my mom remarried and, unfortunately, her new husband was physically abusive. With everything going on, I felt like I was being physically, spiritually and mentally abused. In school I was picked on. At home I was abused. In my sleep I had nightmares every single day. I didn't have freedom. 

When I was 15, I got invited to a Bible study. In the study, I had someone asking a question that my mind couldn’t compute. He asked me, ‘have you accepted Jesus in your heart?’ I had no idea what that meant. So, he said, ‘I'm going to pray, and you copy my prayer’ I didn't understand the prayer, but I prayed it anyway.  

The following morning, I felt something that I had never felt before up until this point in my life. For the first time, at 15 years old, I felt love. I remember waking up in the morning and looking outside. The grass was suddenly greener. The sky was bluer. Because I felt this love, I was able to see the contrast of what not having love looks like. When I saw my family, I felt so sorry for them. I was like ‘guys, I know why you're suffering. It is because you need the love of Jesus.’ They told me to shut up, that I did not know what I was talking about. But I knew. I knew because I experienced it. During this time, I even stopped having those hallucinations – it is true that God’s love casts out all fears.  

Unfortunately, like it happens to many new Christians who don’t have guidance, I ended up slipping away.

I became paranoid once again. I also got into drinking and smoking. I had a void in my heart that I wanted to fill. I could always hear God in the back of my head, but the voice started becoming smaller and smaller until it disappeared altogether. I concluded God didn't exist.  

Another addiction I struggled with was video games. In my experience, video games are more addicting than drugs because it's socially acceptable. One day my video game system blew up. I got frustrated, what was I going to do in my free time now?  

I started looking around the house and that’s when I saw this big black book in my room. I knew it was the Bible. I did not know who had placed it there, but since I had nothing else to do, I began to read it. From that first verse, ‘In the Beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth,’ I was hooked. I would read the Bible every day, but still refused to believe in God. To me, these were all just interesting stories, like Harry Potter. 
 
Around this same time another guy in my boxing class also started reading the Bible. He came across a video of Doug Batchelor where he talked about the Sabbath. One time he came to me and said, ‘I just heard about the greatest conspiracy known to mankind. Everyone is going to church on the wrong day, and they don't even know it. Saturday is the real day of God.’ I thought he was crazy. I had read about the Sabbath before, but when I read it, I pronounced it as ‘Say-Bath,’ so because it had the word “bath” in it, I thought it was a cleansing ritual. 

Anyway, fast forward a few months, this guy invited me to camp meeting. He didn’t tell me it was a church camp. I was around 22 at this point and was training to go into the military. ‘You can practice all your military exercises at camp,’ my friend said. So, I agreed.  

We were picked up by the man named Alfredo. He was a well-dressed guy and well mannered. His children were also well dressed and well mannered. That's when I realized we were going to a church camp. I was mad at my friend for tricking me but decided to stay anyway.

I would go to the programs, but I couldn't handle sitting down and listening because I just didn't understand what they were saying. And that wasn't the hard part. The hard part was that we were eating a plant-based diet at camp. I hated it.  

One of the ladies saw I wasn’t eating much. So, she said ‘I've got something else for you.’ In a foam container she brought me haystacks, and I loved it. I felt like if this food was vegetarian, I could be a vegetarian for the rest of my life. This was Friday evening. The lady told me that if I came to Church on Saturday, she would give me haystacks again. To me, that was a great deal. 

That Sabbath, I headed to the cafeteria as soon as the church service ended, but there were no tables. There were only chairs in a giant circle. Suddenly, these grown men wearing suits started sitting on the chairs, taking off their shoes and socks, and washing each other's feet. I was scared and once again wondered what my friend got me into.  

I was about to leave when Alfredo stopped me, ‘you’re going to wash my feet.’ I listened to him because he was my elder, but I felt so humiliated. His feet were crusty and had wounds. Then, Alfredo started washing my feet and I felt so humbled. I was thinking, ‘what would cause a grown, rich, intelligent man who spoke with authority to do something like that?’ I was an addict. A loser. Why would he wash my feet?  

Anyway, after that camp I realized that God had to exist. He brought me to the camp because He was trying to cleanse me. Through camp, I fasted from my diet. I fasted from my video games. I fasted from all technology. I fasted from all my senses. In that moment, because God put me in that situation, I knew that He existed. 

After camp meeting, they did some follow-ups with me, and I ended up getting baptized in the Adventist Church. I think what attracted me to the church was the love that the people had for one another. I had never seen it in my family. I had never seen it in the other churches I’ve attended. To me, love is a miracle, and that love I had first discovered at 15 began to mature. 

When I became active in the Adventist Church, my schizophrenic tendencies began to disappear. I believe without a doubt that Jesus healed me. I have struggled both with and without God. The difference is that with God I have hope.” 

• Carlos Rosario from the Stanton Church, Kentucky